Friday, January 22, 2010

Family Loyalties, American Justice and Inevitable Heartbreak

I'd like to consider myself withdrawn enough to be able to do things I may not really want to do, and I don't mean doing the dishes, I mean like having to put a dog down because it's sick even though I would really rather not. Apparently that is not so...my sister has me beat in that aspect, and it sucks.
I'm not happy to say that she's more capable of doing what's right than I am, but I think it's true. My dad was in jail for his sixth (or seventh, but who's counting?) DUI, now he's on work release. Yesterday I saw him sitting at my grandma's counter on my way to class. I don't know how much you know about jail time and work release, but you're released for work only, not sitting at your mother's (my grandmother's) counter for a social visit. Which means that he could get into serious trouble for such an offense...and I wasn't supposed to tell anyone.
God, I didn't want to. I didn't miss him until I realized he was there, and then I was so glad to see him. I mean he's my dad, of course I'd miss him. I'm not going to go tell my sisters that, it's a total sign of a too soft heart. He's never really been there if you know what I mean, so why should I miss him?
I didn't want to get him in trouble, and despite the fact that I could get into trouble for aiding and embedding or whatever, I was and am perfectly content to keep my silence. There is one person, however, that does not share my feelings. My mother. I damn well couldn't call the cops on my own father, could I? But she can. So I called her this morning, and I told her. She wouldn't call anyone, or tell anyone if I asked her not to, she's not going to put me into that position. But I knew deep down (cliche much?) that I had told her because I wanted her to tell someone. I couldn't do it, but she could. I couldn't tell on him, but if they ask me, I won't lie for him.
Everyone's going to know I did it, that I told on him because really, who else knew? And they'll be pissed for sure, and I'll feel like a traitor to my family (his side anyway), turning dad over to 'American Justice', but you have to understand...I had no choice. I may not have Sav's mad bravery, and lack of concern for the thoughts of those close to me, but I like to think I'm not a complete coward. Wish me luck...they'll have my head on a platter for this.

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