Too Long, Too Short, Too Damn Time Consuming

So I spent twenty minutes trying to put my hair up for work because one of the managers said it was too long. "Too long?" I hear you laugh, "Just put it in a ponytail!" You think it would take me twenty minutes to remember there was such a thing as a ponytail? It's too SHORT for a ponytail, I can't get it in one. "So try pigtails, drama queen." you laugh? No, too SHORT for pigtails.
So I had to use bobby pins, do you know how many bobby pins it takes to keep short, thick hair up? Too many that's how many, like twenty. And it still won't stay because let's be honest here, bobby pins are useless by themselves. My hair was still down so I got yelled at again for ignoring her 'warning'.
Where is the solution to all this? Get a friggen haircut obviously because I can't deal with that crap. I don't spend time on my hair besides drying it because it dries funky. It's B.S. and I'm chopping it off again...