It's Not Me, It's You...Wait

So the guy I like likes another girl. Poor me (sarcasm for those of you unfamiliar with it's use). Let's get real, right? I mean it's not like I ever make it obvious that I like a guy, if anything I treat him like he's a friend I find annoying (which, is also true...I do find him annoying), and it's not like I believed something was going to come out of me liking him, you know?
I never once (okay, so there were those momentary, "Maybe he does like me" thoughts, but I always nipped those in the bud) thought he returned the feelings, nor did I think we were going to fall in love and get married. I've given up on that dream...for me anyway.
I heard him talking about it and even though my first thought was, "Well damn" it's not like I went into severe depression or anything, in fact I've been in a spectacular mood all day/night. Let's be honest, I knew, just like I always know when I get a crush (and to be fair, my crushes are like my game addictions; obsessed for a week, interested for a few months, forgotten by the end of the year) that it was a one-sided deal, so it didn't exactly break my heart.
What's that you say? If I'm not upset, then why am I talking about it? Don't be so cold hearted!
I have a tendency to do this thing when I don't care about something. If I don't care about something, I start thinking about it, and then I start to feel like I should, like there's something wrong with me because I don't, and then I twist whatever it is into something that does upset me, and I sit quietly, waiting for someone to inquire about it.
When they don't inquire, I work myself up into a major malfunction and break down. Granted, I fix myself up pretty quick, but I prefer to avoid break downs whenever possible. You understand. So in this case, I've just entered the, "I don't care, but it brings up another good point." And the good point it brings up? What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't need a boyfriend, let me just say that now. I can take care of myself, and I am usually content with whatever happens to have caught my attention for the moment, but--and yes there is a but--what is wrong with me? Why don't guys show an interest? Why do I never get asked to a dance (even if I always say I don't want to go to the stupid thing)? Why does no one ever ask me out on a date?
Don't get me wrong, I'd freak the hell out if they did, and probably say no because I've never been on a date, and what do you even do on those things? It's just that I want to know someone's interested, that I'm not some crazy girl, no one wants to date.
And the guy I like? Well I can say this without fearing he'll read this, because he doesn't know I have this blog. All today he kept telling me I was adorable, and it made me so flippin' happy. Sure people call me adorable...when I stomp my foot in irritation, or get really angry over nothing. They're all like, "God, you're so cute/adorable when you're mad!" And I laugh, act angry and say, "I'm not five, therefore it is not a compliment to call me adorable." But when a guy says it, when for once just once a guy actually looks at me and says I'm adorable, even when I know he doesn't like me, and I know he doesn't mean 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' because besides gay friends, guys don't tell me that.
I play it off and tell him he's being stupid because I look just the same as I always do, but I like it. So it's not that I'm upset that he has a crush on someone else, it's that I'm upset that I'm never that girl.

Anyway, I had to vent, and it's not something I want to go explain to friends...especially the part where I admitted I wanted to go to a dance. So you were my only option. I'm sorry you were so bored you actually read this. Peace!