Hey! I just had the (almost) best idea I've ever had in my (lies...all of them) entire life! What would you all say to a little Q and A?
Mmhmm...yeah so I'm bored and I'm looking for something to do. Here's the deal, you ask questions, I'll answer, I'll ask questions YOU answer!
Yeah, I don't see this working either, but it's worth a shot. I'll go first. Would you ever go skydiving? Why or why not?
**For the record, I think it'd be fun...once you pushed me out of the plane and I landed on the ground...**
Saturday, October 31, 2009
That Boy...
So I felt sick yesterday and I'm a horribly miserable sick person. I don't get sick often so that's not usually a problem. Unfortunately at work yesturday, I felt sick, and I was absolutely miserable. Everyone was trying to get me to smile, watching me, trying to figure out what was wrong, and I just wanted to go home. I got off and fell into a seat after finding myself a ride home. Mom picks me up, I drag my feet and walk out, then go straight to bed.
Before I fell asleep, I texted Andrew the following; "I'm fine I just don't feel well. Tell everyone to stop looking at me like I'm going to go jump off a cliff."
He texted back and I think he might be mad at me for getting irritated with everyone. "We just care for u ok?"
Like it's my fault that I don't like dealing with people when I feel sick. I'm sorry, but I am not the nicest sick person. He's lucky I wasn't really sick, I mean like throw up, sleep all day sick. The sicker I am the more emotional I get. If it's just a sore throat, sore eyes, and a headache, I'm miserable and antisocial. If it's any worse I'll start crying and become completely intolerable. No need to get mad at me for it. Hmph
Before I fell asleep, I texted Andrew the following; "I'm fine I just don't feel well. Tell everyone to stop looking at me like I'm going to go jump off a cliff."
He texted back and I think he might be mad at me for getting irritated with everyone. "We just care for u ok?"
Like it's my fault that I don't like dealing with people when I feel sick. I'm sorry, but I am not the nicest sick person. He's lucky I wasn't really sick, I mean like throw up, sleep all day sick. The sicker I am the more emotional I get. If it's just a sore throat, sore eyes, and a headache, I'm miserable and antisocial. If it's any worse I'll start crying and become completely intolerable. No need to get mad at me for it. Hmph
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Car Accidents 101
So I ran into the back of a semi/truck yesterday with the Honda Civic (2002 if you were wondering). Yeah, no longer drivable. The front end is smashed. Translation? No car to take me to work and school...yeah, you see the problem don't you?
Mom seems to be convinced that I was putting on eyeliner in the car and that's why I wrecked, but seriously? Yeah okay so I had eye liner on, and it was on the floor of the car and the visor was down with the mirror open. So the evidence seems a little damning right? Right. But I don't really ever wear makeup so why would I suddenly feel the need to risk my life for it? What happened is I stopped at grandma's where I had left my eye liner, mascara and eye shadow (I don't really ever use the stuff so I never got around to picking it up). While I was there I saw it in the bathroom, decided to put it on because, hey, why not? Then I put it in my pocket so I wouldn't forget it, grandma took a picture of my hair, and I went back to the car to head to class. Small pockets=uncomfortable when full so I took the makeup out and set it in this little thing between the seats and left.
As I was slamming on the breaks, I remember thinking, "Shit, there's no way I'm going to stop in time aaaaaaaaaaaand---bam---I was correct." I sat there thinking, "Shit mom's going to kill me" and then I turned around because, you know, my folders were in the back seat and I wanted to make sure they were okay. No one ever believed me when I said those were some of the most important things in my life, now I have proof because they're the first thing I checked on. So I started crying because I wasn't going to get to school on time, mom was going to kill me, and well...what the hell was I supposed to do? It ruined all my plans for senior year like taking college courses.
The truck guy starts to walk towards me and I pull down the visor and open the mirror to try and fix that stupid eye liner that I never should have put on, and during the impact the eyeliner fell to the floor.
So see? It can all be explained. Why I'd put makeup on in the car is beyhond me, but I guess if that's what she wants to believe...
Mom seems to be convinced that I was putting on eyeliner in the car and that's why I wrecked, but seriously? Yeah okay so I had eye liner on, and it was on the floor of the car and the visor was down with the mirror open. So the evidence seems a little damning right? Right. But I don't really ever wear makeup so why would I suddenly feel the need to risk my life for it? What happened is I stopped at grandma's where I had left my eye liner, mascara and eye shadow (I don't really ever use the stuff so I never got around to picking it up). While I was there I saw it in the bathroom, decided to put it on because, hey, why not? Then I put it in my pocket so I wouldn't forget it, grandma took a picture of my hair, and I went back to the car to head to class. Small pockets=uncomfortable when full so I took the makeup out and set it in this little thing between the seats and left.
As I was slamming on the breaks, I remember thinking, "Shit, there's no way I'm going to stop in time aaaaaaaaaaaand---bam---I was correct." I sat there thinking, "Shit mom's going to kill me" and then I turned around because, you know, my folders were in the back seat and I wanted to make sure they were okay. No one ever believed me when I said those were some of the most important things in my life, now I have proof because they're the first thing I checked on. So I started crying because I wasn't going to get to school on time, mom was going to kill me, and well...what the hell was I supposed to do? It ruined all my plans for senior year like taking college courses.
The truck guy starts to walk towards me and I pull down the visor and open the mirror to try and fix that stupid eye liner that I never should have put on, and during the impact the eyeliner fell to the floor.
So see? It can all be explained. Why I'd put makeup on in the car is beyhond me, but I guess if that's what she wants to believe...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Why Don't I Do That More Often?
I chopped a good chunk of my hair off yesterday...or rather, someone with a license to cut off hair did. Really short in the back, longer in front, especially longer on my right side to kind of hang over my eyes. The longest piece barely reaches my chin.
It looks cute if I do say so myself (and I do). Granted I haven't had to style it yet so who knows, maybe I'll shave it off in frustration later. Lady said it brought out my cheek bones, but to be honest they don't need to be brought out since they seem to do that fine on there own.
Everyone likes it though, I stopped by work to show a friend, and then went over to Andrew's (you know, that guy I work with) to show him.
I don't have many male friends for the simple reason that they make me uncomfortable and I don't know how to act around them. Anyway, I go over there and I see Andrew and Ryan, two guys that I am slowly becoming comfortable around, though I still don't want to just go hang out (I forced myself to yesterday, turns out I don't like being called a coward, even if it's in my head). They are not the only guys there unfortunately, there was Daniel, a freshman who seems like one smart cookie (I like him, he's not intimidating, but he's smart) and then there were two others. The only reason I was able to make myself stay was because for the most part, all but Ryan and Andrew were easily deemed 'kiddies' in my eyes, and that always makes me feel better.
I stayed to watch them play football (yeah, that killed), and went in to eat pizza. Right away Andrew's mom rushes forward and goes "Are you 'blankety blankblank'?" (ha ha, did you really think I'd tell you my name?). Awkwaaaaaard. I kind of laugh and nodded she shook my hand and starts talking to me, someone else comes up and goes, "So then I take it you and Andrew are dating?" Shocker....I said no, and I'd have been outta there if Andrew had heard.
I could go on all day giving you the skinny, but bottom line is that by the end of 'dinner' I was feeling pretty confident. I mean around my friends (my female friends, let's face it, I can count on one hand the number of male friends I have) I'm confident and everything. I crack jokes, I'm sarcastic, I'm me. This was different though. I still wasn't comfortable enough to do much of that, but with Ash and everyone I call attention to myself by being obnoxious, I get what I want without feeling awkward, and no one calls any attention on me.
With all of them I was kind of trying to stay off the radar and they're all, "No, no that's ______'s seat" and "Hey man, ladies first!" and "You've got cool hair, but man no one can beat ______'s" and possibly the best of all was the "I lie all of the time, for instance, ______ you're ugly. That's a lie, now here's the truth _______ you're beautiful." Que my even more red face and, "Ha ha, thanks." And then Andrew's offended, "I say that all the time and you look at me like I'm a creeper!" "Because you only say it right before you ask her to take you to Taco Bell" (Ryan) "I agree with him." (Me) "That's not true, you guys are making me look bad in front of my mom." (Andrew).
So I left there feeling good about myself, I mean we're friends so I don't expect, "You're ugly." But there's no need for the compliments, and I don't know how to respond with so many. To be honest I've never really found myself that pretty, I mean I never thought I was drop dead ugly, but it's nice to hear. So the question remains; why don't I do that more often?
It looks cute if I do say so myself (and I do). Granted I haven't had to style it yet so who knows, maybe I'll shave it off in frustration later. Lady said it brought out my cheek bones, but to be honest they don't need to be brought out since they seem to do that fine on there own.
Everyone likes it though, I stopped by work to show a friend, and then went over to Andrew's (you know, that guy I work with) to show him.
I don't have many male friends for the simple reason that they make me uncomfortable and I don't know how to act around them. Anyway, I go over there and I see Andrew and Ryan, two guys that I am slowly becoming comfortable around, though I still don't want to just go hang out (I forced myself to yesterday, turns out I don't like being called a coward, even if it's in my head). They are not the only guys there unfortunately, there was Daniel, a freshman who seems like one smart cookie (I like him, he's not intimidating, but he's smart) and then there were two others. The only reason I was able to make myself stay was because for the most part, all but Ryan and Andrew were easily deemed 'kiddies' in my eyes, and that always makes me feel better.
I stayed to watch them play football (yeah, that killed), and went in to eat pizza. Right away Andrew's mom rushes forward and goes "Are you 'blankety blankblank'?" (ha ha, did you really think I'd tell you my name?). Awkwaaaaaard. I kind of laugh and nodded she shook my hand and starts talking to me, someone else comes up and goes, "So then I take it you and Andrew are dating?" Shocker....I said no, and I'd have been outta there if Andrew had heard.
I could go on all day giving you the skinny, but bottom line is that by the end of 'dinner' I was feeling pretty confident. I mean around my friends (my female friends, let's face it, I can count on one hand the number of male friends I have) I'm confident and everything. I crack jokes, I'm sarcastic, I'm me. This was different though. I still wasn't comfortable enough to do much of that, but with Ash and everyone I call attention to myself by being obnoxious, I get what I want without feeling awkward, and no one calls any attention on me.
With all of them I was kind of trying to stay off the radar and they're all, "No, no that's ______'s seat" and "Hey man, ladies first!" and "You've got cool hair, but man no one can beat ______'s" and possibly the best of all was the "I lie all of the time, for instance, ______ you're ugly. That's a lie, now here's the truth _______ you're beautiful." Que my even more red face and, "Ha ha, thanks." And then Andrew's offended, "I say that all the time and you look at me like I'm a creeper!" "Because you only say it right before you ask her to take you to Taco Bell" (Ryan) "I agree with him." (Me) "That's not true, you guys are making me look bad in front of my mom." (Andrew).
So I left there feeling good about myself, I mean we're friends so I don't expect, "You're ugly." But there's no need for the compliments, and I don't know how to respond with so many. To be honest I've never really found myself that pretty, I mean I never thought I was drop dead ugly, but it's nice to hear. So the question remains; why don't I do that more often?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
It's Not Me, It's You...Wait
So the guy I like likes another girl. Poor me (sarcasm for those of you unfamiliar with it's use). Let's get real, right? I mean it's not like I ever make it obvious that I like a guy, if anything I treat him like he's a friend I find annoying (which, is also true...I do find him annoying), and it's not like I believed something was going to come out of me liking him, you know?
I never once (okay, so there were those momentary, "Maybe he does like me" thoughts, but I always nipped those in the bud) thought he returned the feelings, nor did I think we were going to fall in love and get married. I've given up on that dream...for me anyway.
I heard him talking about it and even though my first thought was, "Well damn" it's not like I went into severe depression or anything, in fact I've been in a spectacular mood all day/night. Let's be honest, I knew, just like I always know when I get a crush (and to be fair, my crushes are like my game addictions; obsessed for a week, interested for a few months, forgotten by the end of the year) that it was a one-sided deal, so it didn't exactly break my heart.
What's that you say? If I'm not upset, then why am I talking about it? Don't be so cold hearted!
I have a tendency to do this thing when I don't care about something. If I don't care about something, I start thinking about it, and then I start to feel like I should, like there's something wrong with me because I don't, and then I twist whatever it is into something that does upset me, and I sit quietly, waiting for someone to inquire about it.
When they don't inquire, I work myself up into a major malfunction and break down. Granted, I fix myself up pretty quick, but I prefer to avoid break downs whenever possible. You understand. So in this case, I've just entered the, "I don't care, but it brings up another good point." And the good point it brings up? What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't need a boyfriend, let me just say that now. I can take care of myself, and I am usually content with whatever happens to have caught my attention for the moment, but--and yes there is a but--what is wrong with me? Why don't guys show an interest? Why do I never get asked to a dance (even if I always say I don't want to go to the stupid thing)? Why does no one ever ask me out on a date?
Don't get me wrong, I'd freak the hell out if they did, and probably say no because I've never been on a date, and what do you even do on those things? It's just that I want to know someone's interested, that I'm not some crazy girl, no one wants to date.
And the guy I like? Well I can say this without fearing he'll read this, because he doesn't know I have this blog. All today he kept telling me I was adorable, and it made me so flippin' happy. Sure people call me adorable...when I stomp my foot in irritation, or get really angry over nothing. They're all like, "God, you're so cute/adorable when you're mad!" And I laugh, act angry and say, "I'm not five, therefore it is not a compliment to call me adorable." But when a guy says it, when for once just once a guy actually looks at me and says I'm adorable, even when I know he doesn't like me, and I know he doesn't mean 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' because besides gay friends, guys don't tell me that.
I play it off and tell him he's being stupid because I look just the same as I always do, but I like it. So it's not that I'm upset that he has a crush on someone else, it's that I'm upset that I'm never that girl.
Anyway, I had to vent, and it's not something I want to go explain to friends...especially the part where I admitted I wanted to go to a dance. So you were my only option. I'm sorry you were so bored you actually read this. Peace!
I never once (okay, so there were those momentary, "Maybe he does like me" thoughts, but I always nipped those in the bud) thought he returned the feelings, nor did I think we were going to fall in love and get married. I've given up on that dream...for me anyway.
I heard him talking about it and even though my first thought was, "Well damn" it's not like I went into severe depression or anything, in fact I've been in a spectacular mood all day/night. Let's be honest, I knew, just like I always know when I get a crush (and to be fair, my crushes are like my game addictions; obsessed for a week, interested for a few months, forgotten by the end of the year) that it was a one-sided deal, so it didn't exactly break my heart.
What's that you say? If I'm not upset, then why am I talking about it? Don't be so cold hearted!
I have a tendency to do this thing when I don't care about something. If I don't care about something, I start thinking about it, and then I start to feel like I should, like there's something wrong with me because I don't, and then I twist whatever it is into something that does upset me, and I sit quietly, waiting for someone to inquire about it.
When they don't inquire, I work myself up into a major malfunction and break down. Granted, I fix myself up pretty quick, but I prefer to avoid break downs whenever possible. You understand. So in this case, I've just entered the, "I don't care, but it brings up another good point." And the good point it brings up? What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't need a boyfriend, let me just say that now. I can take care of myself, and I am usually content with whatever happens to have caught my attention for the moment, but--and yes there is a but--what is wrong with me? Why don't guys show an interest? Why do I never get asked to a dance (even if I always say I don't want to go to the stupid thing)? Why does no one ever ask me out on a date?
Don't get me wrong, I'd freak the hell out if they did, and probably say no because I've never been on a date, and what do you even do on those things? It's just that I want to know someone's interested, that I'm not some crazy girl, no one wants to date.
And the guy I like? Well I can say this without fearing he'll read this, because he doesn't know I have this blog. All today he kept telling me I was adorable, and it made me so flippin' happy. Sure people call me adorable...when I stomp my foot in irritation, or get really angry over nothing. They're all like, "God, you're so cute/adorable when you're mad!" And I laugh, act angry and say, "I'm not five, therefore it is not a compliment to call me adorable." But when a guy says it, when for once just once a guy actually looks at me and says I'm adorable, even when I know he doesn't like me, and I know he doesn't mean 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' because besides gay friends, guys don't tell me that.
I play it off and tell him he's being stupid because I look just the same as I always do, but I like it. So it's not that I'm upset that he has a crush on someone else, it's that I'm upset that I'm never that girl.
Anyway, I had to vent, and it's not something I want to go explain to friends...especially the part where I admitted I wanted to go to a dance. So you were my only option. I'm sorry you were so bored you actually read this. Peace!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
What Happens At Work...Stay's There?
So after that horrendous night at work, I had thousands of packets of jam fall all over Sunday night, a couple of other things, and then last night I spilled tea everywhere and the shake machine broke on me. So yeah...it got worse.
I'm like a walking bad luck magnet, but it's funny as heck when you think about it so I guess I don't mind all that much. Now I've just got to look for scholarships, a car, and a good luck charm.
I'm like a walking bad luck magnet, but it's funny as heck when you think about it so I guess I don't mind all that much. Now I've just got to look for scholarships, a car, and a good luck charm.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
What Is Fun Really?
You haven't had fun until you've dropped nearly $100 in coins (that's right, COINS) onto the floor of McDonalds--or any fast food place really--and had to crawl around on the floor picking every single one up...to the last penny. Oh yeah, best time of my life right there. To make it worse? I then proceded to spill a large coffee, get mustard on me (yuck), get fudge all over my pants, and nearly drop a medium fry no salt (which would have meant having the people wait an additional three minutes while we remade their fries).
Last night at work? Let's just say I hope tonight goes better...a lot better.
Last night at work? Let's just say I hope tonight goes better...a lot better.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Not Addicted...Just Slightly Obsessed?
To Harvest Moon. My sister made the mistake of letting me know that she had one of the newer versions...I may have taken it. But you know, it's a fun game and I've just met the love of my LIFE on there. His name is Vaughn, he told me to go away (I was distracting) and so I'm going to marry him. 'Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness' Get it. Play it. Love it.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
When The Going Get's Tough, We Tough It Out (or Curl Up in a Ball and Die)
Okay, so I've applied to college, I'm taking the ACT on the 24th, I'm working hard, and I'm freaking about my English paper. That's responsible right?
Well I'm working on it, way to be supportive. I mean come on, I'm probably the most irresponsible person I know (besides Andrew, but he's in a world all his own so I don't think it's fair to count him) and I've been working really hard (okay, so maybe not really hard, but a half-serious effort. That counts right?) to 'perfect' myself in that particular area.
Like even though I wanted to get far far away from here for college, I came down to earth and realized that since I have to pay for this, I should go in state, close to home. That was a step in the right direction if I do say so myself. As soon as I get accepted (hopefully) I'll start applying for the scholarships that apply to me, and I'm working without complaint and paying what I owe as fast as possible.
I'm looking into checking accounts, and I'm taking out like $5 spending money because of the money I owe. I'm being realistic, and I'm having nightmares that I am fairly certain will not stop until I'm out of college (and even then I can't be sure).
The only thing I think I still need to work on is my need to spend, my lack of self-restraint, my procrastination, my studying habits, and that whole 'mind over matter' thing.
He he...did I say the only thing? Well okay but I have a plan, so that counts too right? I'll work on restraint and the 'mind over matter' and the need to spend first. By showing restraint in what I want to eat and do I cut back spending while making me a healthier person (ideally). By practicing mind over matter I'll start working out, and getting in shape.
Basically, by the time I graduate I hope to be healthy wealth and wise...or at least healthy, smarter and not in debt....or just healthy works.
Man, something tells me senior year is going to be the school year from hell...better go find the ladder, or I may never get out of the hole I'm digging.
Well I'm working on it, way to be supportive. I mean come on, I'm probably the most irresponsible person I know (besides Andrew, but he's in a world all his own so I don't think it's fair to count him) and I've been working really hard (okay, so maybe not really hard, but a half-serious effort. That counts right?) to 'perfect' myself in that particular area.
Like even though I wanted to get far far away from here for college, I came down to earth and realized that since I have to pay for this, I should go in state, close to home. That was a step in the right direction if I do say so myself. As soon as I get accepted (hopefully) I'll start applying for the scholarships that apply to me, and I'm working without complaint and paying what I owe as fast as possible.
I'm looking into checking accounts, and I'm taking out like $5 spending money because of the money I owe. I'm being realistic, and I'm having nightmares that I am fairly certain will not stop until I'm out of college (and even then I can't be sure).
The only thing I think I still need to work on is my need to spend, my lack of self-restraint, my procrastination, my studying habits, and that whole 'mind over matter' thing.
He he...did I say the only thing? Well okay but I have a plan, so that counts too right? I'll work on restraint and the 'mind over matter' and the need to spend first. By showing restraint in what I want to eat and do I cut back spending while making me a healthier person (ideally). By practicing mind over matter I'll start working out, and getting in shape.
Basically, by the time I graduate I hope to be healthy wealth and wise...or at least healthy, smarter and not in debt....or just healthy works.
Man, something tells me senior year is going to be the school year from hell...better go find the ladder, or I may never get out of the hole I'm digging.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
When the Flash Backs Start, You Know It's Bad
So my friend, one of the best in the world is going through a divorce (her parent's divorce). Divorce just sucks with a capital S-U-C-K-S. She isn't the kind of person to...relay her feelings, but she's not talking to her dad. They keep telling me not to get involved. "Don't push her." "It's her choice" "Just try to stay out of it."
I know they're probably right, that it's not something I should really get involved in, but I just see what she's going through and have a major flashback on the worst time of my life. I can't just let her go through even a small portion of what I had to go through. I'm not going to pretend I know it hurts more when you're young and you don't understand because I don't think that's true at all. It hurts no matter what, who cares who hurts more?
She's not speaking to him, she's so angry with him. I remember not shutting up, I remember screaming at him, I remember my heart breaking every time we fought. I remember not trusting him, being so hurt, being so furious, hating him for what he did. I remember looking for a fight in everything and how much it fucking hurt.
She's not screaming, she's not crying, she's probably not even really hating him, but she's angry and I don't want her to have to go through all of that. I don't want the divorce to ruin their relationship.
God I wish I could have prevented her heartbreak. I'm no psychologist, but I think that's part of the reason I always put guys under the 'friend' label. That way, even if we date and break up, they never had my heart and I can get over it no worse for ware. I wish I could stop doing it, I wish it would hurt sometimes, but it never really does.
That's not the point right now, we can talk about how screwed up I am (psychologically of course) some other time. Right now I wanna know how to keep her from going through any more of it.
I know they're probably right, that it's not something I should really get involved in, but I just see what she's going through and have a major flashback on the worst time of my life. I can't just let her go through even a small portion of what I had to go through. I'm not going to pretend I know it hurts more when you're young and you don't understand because I don't think that's true at all. It hurts no matter what, who cares who hurts more?
She's not speaking to him, she's so angry with him. I remember not shutting up, I remember screaming at him, I remember my heart breaking every time we fought. I remember not trusting him, being so hurt, being so furious, hating him for what he did. I remember looking for a fight in everything and how much it fucking hurt.
She's not screaming, she's not crying, she's probably not even really hating him, but she's angry and I don't want her to have to go through all of that. I don't want the divorce to ruin their relationship.
God I wish I could have prevented her heartbreak. I'm no psychologist, but I think that's part of the reason I always put guys under the 'friend' label. That way, even if we date and break up, they never had my heart and I can get over it no worse for ware. I wish I could stop doing it, I wish it would hurt sometimes, but it never really does.
That's not the point right now, we can talk about how screwed up I am (psychologically of course) some other time. Right now I wanna know how to keep her from going through any more of it.
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